My Rainbow Post - So That I Will Remember

The fourth Wednesday in February, was my turn to work in our nursery at church.  I have been working in the nursery since before we became members.  Two years ago, I would have told you that I worked nursery to spend time with the kids, because, well, I didn’t have any.  But I noticed tonight, that my time in the nursery is spent much differently now.  Yes, I still watch other people’s children, but I also get to watch my own.  The children that doctors, family and everybody (basically) said I would never have.

 
I watched my very introverted child, play with friends, read books, and find herself among the crowd.  While my extrovert child, ran the show (she thought).  Poopy diapers no longer freak out my nose.  A child who is crying, gets a different kind of attention than they did before.  My conversations are different now, they lean towards the progress we are making at home, what we ate that made our diaper explode and the newest thing out there for toddlers.


I am a Mama.

Why am I telling you this?  One reason.  I don’t ever want to forget.  The day I forget what it felt like to not be a mama, is the day that I start taking my children for granted.  The day that I see them as just my children and not the extreme blessing that God handed down to us freely.  I am telling you this, for the same reason God placed the rainbow in the sky in Genesis chapter 9, so that I can remember.

Am I a perfect mama?  Absolutely not!  I have my share of mom guilt and those things I wish I had done differently.  But I am a mama.  The thing I dreamed, longed and cried for is now a reality, and has been for a year and a half.  Every day I look into those faces and say, “Why are you so cute?”  I know this answer is because God made them that way, they are beautiful and wonderfully made, and I never want to forget that they were made for me.  Not by me.  I can honestly say, I had nothing to do with it.  They were made for me.

Those years of being angry, bitter, and pretty much disgusted with myself, seem like they are so very far away now.  It has not even been two years and I find it hard to remember life without them.  Those very little tiny humans I brought home from the hospital are now in toddler beds.  They talk to me, kiss me, and hug me every day.  They want to spend as much time with me as I want to spend with them.  Most of the time, I am Da-Da, (everything and everyone is Da-Da – they are killing me with this da-da… Ha!) but there are those moments, when they are in need or just really want something that I miraculously become Ma-Ma!  Those are the moments when I remember, wow, they are talking to me.  Yes, little girls, I am your Mama, and I have never loved anything more in my life.

When I feel myself get overwhelmed by the whining and the fighting and the overall toddlerness of two toddler girls, I remind myself, hey, this house could still be empty and quiet.  There could be no stomping of feet and running down the hallway.  I could still be wound up inside, being angry with God, because my home does not flow with the sound of children.  God answered my prayers, he gave me everything I ever wanted.  And this is a reminder to myself, that I am blessed.

No matter what happens, no matter how bad it gets, or how much hair I want to pull out, I am blessed.  I guess this is just my Rainbow Post.  A post that when I go back and look at it, I can remember the times when I longed for the family that I have now, and how God in his mercy saw fit to give them to me.  I will never say, my children are blessed to have me as their mama.  There are many, many out there better than me.  But I will always say, I am blessed to have these two little girls as my daughters.


"I do set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be for a token of a covenant between me and the earth.  And the bow shall be in the cloud; and I will look upon it, that I may remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is upon the earth."  Genesis 9:13, 16


Category:  Parenting Multiples

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2 comments:

  1. This is a lovely read and so very true. Thanks so much for sharing with #Blogstravaganza, hope to see you again next week xx

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    1. Thank you for the invite and for reading. I am excited to be a part of the #Blogstravaganza! Will there be a new post, or do I return to the original? I'm a little new at Linky events. LOL

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