The Road Blocks and Red Flags of Our Adoption Story

I would like to share with your Our Adoption Story.  The good, the bad and the blessings we have had through adoption.  There were times when it seemed like God was not going to come through (yes, I am human and being honest) on his promise.  I have broken Our Story into two parts, because if I didn't you'd be reading forever.  LOL.

Our Adoption Story, Part 1 - The Road Blocks and Red Flags - I never thought we'd be here today!  |  My Daily Benefits

Our story of adoption began in 2013.  While reading my Bible one afternoon, the Lord showed me a passage of Scripture and laid it strongly on my heart that it meant that I would never give birth to  my own children.  I would love to say that I submitted to God's will right away and began to pray about adoption.  No, I still tried countless times to conceive a child.  After 13 years of trying, it was bound to work, right?  Wrong.  Nothing worked, fertility medications, praying to get pregnant, screaming and yelling at God that it was not fair!  I literally became so bitter towards people, that I would get angry (severely angry - then cry for hours later) when cute little couples would announce they were pregnant at church.

One night about a year later (after God had given the passage), Thomas and I were talking in the basement.  I was done!  It was not fair, I had had enough, and I didn't understand why God was not allowing us to have a child.  He said, "Well, I just don't know what to do, or what to tell you."  Then like a slap in the face, God brought back to my mind the passage of Scripture he gave me.

"Sing, O barren, thou that didst not bear; break forth into singing, and cry aloud, thou that disnt not travail with child:  for more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married wife, saith the Lord.  Enlarge the place of thy tent, and let them stretch forth the curtains of thy habitations:  spare not, lengthen thy cords, and strengthen thy stakes; For thou shalt break forth on the right hand and on the left; and thy seed shall inherit the Gentiles, and make the desolate cities to be inhabited.  Fear not; for thou shalt not be ashamed:  neither be thou confounded; for thou shalt not be put to shame:  for thou shalt forget the shame of thy youth, and shalt not remember the reproach of thy widowhood any more."  Isaiah 54:1-4

I shared this passage with him, there in our basement, and we prayed together.  After some time, the Lord also confirmed to Thomas that this was the direction our life would go in.  Just to get additional confirmation, because we are fleshly and wanted to be completely certain, we met with our Pastor.  He gave the final confirmation that this would be a blessed director for us to go in.  He also added, that now (then) we were ready.  That had we came to him earlier, he would have advised us not to go this direction.  I thank God for a Pastor who is honest and upfront in his counsel.

Alright!  We had a direction and I was ready to move.  Adoption Agencies were the first place I looked.  Here is where the discouragement hit very hard.  They are very expensive.  Even the agencies that go by your income were out of our price range.  Wall Number One!  We can't afford to "buy" a baby from an agency.  Okay, moving on to option two.  We were given the advice that you could adopt a child through the Department of Family and Children Services and the state pays for the entire process.  If you are not aware of the price of adoption, through an agency, a child can cost upwards of $120,000.

We called our local DFCS and arranged to attend classes on "Foster to Adopt" a child.  We were so excited.  When the director called us back with the information on the classes, she informed us that they would be every Wednesday evening from 6:00 - 8:00pm.  Red Flag #1 - I expressed to Thomas that I personally did not feel that God would lead us to something that would keep us from missing Service eight weeks in a row.  However, because of our financial situations we felt this was our best option and attended the first class.

We were the first couple to arrive (extremely excited), multiple people had told us about the "Foster to Adopt" Program and that we should be able to adopt a very young (if not infant) child from the state no problem.  Wall Number Two!  When we signed in we had to state why we were there.  So naturally we wrote, "Foster to Adopt" in the little box and sat down.  The director came in and welcomed us and looked at our info.  "Oh, are you here to Foster or Adopt?" she asked.  We explained we were there to get into the "Foster to Adopt" Program.  Which we were then very rudly told that Georgia has NO SUCH PROGRAM.  You can Foster, You can Adopt, but there is no Fostering to Adopt a child.  During the class we learned why.  The Department of Family and Children's Services' number one goal is parent / child reuniting.

We then learned that there is a ladder of people involved in the Fostering process of a child.  We knew that God was not calling us to Foster children.  The attachment would be too great and when they were removed or reunited with their parents it would be devastating.  We had already been down that road once before, years ago, and knew that emotionally we were unstable for Fostering.  If you Foster children, I praise you!  You have a heart that is like no other and those are very rare.  We also learned that you don't really have any options as far as child selection (which is how Foster Care should be), if they called us in the middle of the night and had a 16 year old runaway (or abused child) we would have to accept that child.  This made my husband very uncomfortable.  Once we disclosed that Fostering would not be a direction we wanted to go, the entire attitude of the room changed.  We were treated very rudely by everyone.  Once the class was over we left and went to church.  Deciding in the car that it would not be necessary for us to attend anymore of the classes, since the direction God was leading us was detoured by DFCS.

Okay, so there had to be an option three, right?  What if someone had a baby and wanted to give it to us?  I began to research and found that with attorney fees and court costs, along with the mother's expenses, we were looking at atleast $12,000, if not more.  Wall Number Three!  Stop the car, I'm getting out!  As a paycheck to paycheck family, there was absolutely no way we could afford even Private Adoption.  My heart was so broken, my spirit beat to death (I felt) and all hope was stripped away at this point.  It is 100% built into the DNA of a woman to want to "mother" a child.  My emotions were a wreck.  

At this point, my husband told me that we would not be seeking adoption, that unless God just moved in a miraculous way, we would never be able to afford it.  He handles the finances, he knows, so that was my final Wall Number Four!  I was done!  Completely and sincerely done with the whole thing.  Why on earth would God give me something so CLEAR in his Word and it not happen?  Why were all these walls being put up in front of us?  What would need to happen for me to get a child?

I literally became obsessed about having a child.  Oh, there's a child away from it's parents!  Could I get this child to come home with me?  Even if I only mothered it for the time it took for the cops to come arrest me and throw my backside in jail!  Yeah, it was beyond "Baby Fever."  I had baby tuberculosis and the outlook was not good.  Side Note:  I would never kidnap or take a child, did I think about it?  Yes.  But, having a child was not worth going to jail!  Do Not Kidnap Children!  It's Against The Law!  LOL.

All this time was going by and I never knew that God had a plan in motion.  He was working everything just the way it needed to be.  Me in my finite wisdom, came to believe that God didn't care.  Had God lied to me?  I seriously started to question everything.  My faith, my ministry, my sanity, my trust, and my God.  What happened the following year, was, is and always will be completely mind blowing to me.

Part Two of Our Adoption Story:  God Keeps His Word will be posted soon.  I hope that you'll come back and find out just how much The Lord God did bless us.

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Friday   :|:   November 18, 2016   :|:   Posted In Being Mama